numb

i feel like such an asshole (and a big one at that) when some residents say they're fond of me yet the feeling isn't mutual
the truth of the matter is that i don't care what happens to them
i mean i guess i do a little bit, i treat them as how i would want people to treat me 
if i'm assigned to a certain floor, i know i'm responsible for everyone in it so i do my best not to have anyone die on my shift ahah
to me, i just go to work, do my job and go home
there's only a couple that i truly care for

i thought i was close to this one resident
but when i learned that she passed away, i felt grief
just for a very short period of time though

i have ways of comforting myself
all of us have to go eventually
it just depends on how we live our lives that determines where we go in the afterlife
to me it's a win-win situation

if i go to heaven then i'll be able to see my loved ones again
but if some of them aren't there, God will erase my memory of them
it is heaven after all right? i would imagine that sadness, grief, and all that negativity don't exist up there

but if it's the other way around, my loved ones won't be able to remember me
i think i could bear it, but i would suffer
oh well, i'll cross that bridge when i get to it

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going to see thor 2 tonight 
hope i don't doze off hahah
didn't see the first one though
if it gets too confusing i'll just sleep away~