no pain no gain

cooked breakfast for the fam
but they only ate the eggs 
all that effort for nothing :\

was planning to hike squaw peak by myself but mama called her friend and tagged along 
haven't had a hike that hardcore in a while
i think the last time i hiked there was 2-3 years ago
it was absolutely refreshing
my legs are very sore though
that dangerous and rocky climb is so worth it

the view at the top is breathtaking

it took me almost an hour to climb it... stayed up there for 15-20 minutes to enjoy the view

the view is unbelievable... it's mind cleansing 

if my legs weren't so sore, i'd climb again tomorrow

i would love to go again

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

legalize ganja

why do they even have black friday anyway?
right after thanksgiving
one day people are thankful for what they have
the next day they go shopping for things they don't need
[facepalm]

i don't see what's so great about this day
they only cut down like 5 dollars from the original price... it's still pretty much the same
it's the idea of buying stuff for a lower price that gets people so worked up
what else can i say

*****************

never seen auntie fely that mad before
she be yellin' yo hahah
i don't blame her
you won't believe how stupid these people can be
so unprofessional

i could so use some of that maryjane right about now

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

happy thanksgiving

when someone tells you not to look, you automatically get the urge to 
i don't know what it is... 
it just heightens your curiosity 
or maybe the fact that someone tells you not to do certain things 
and your stubbornness decides to rebel

i was helping this lady put away her clothes... i was opening drawers and whatnot
minding my own business, putting her socks in the drawer
then she goes and tells me not to look at the box in the drawer
being an idiot that i am, i looked
goodness lady... why did you have to say those words!?
this old woman has a friggin dildo in a box
seriously woman

besides, aren't you like dead down there already?
gosh... got me all flushed 
i think i was more embarrassed than her

sabrina: maybe she wanted you to see it

noel: yeah, maybe she wanted to show it to you

not helping guys... not helping

nothing beats rufus' ex-coworker though 
who thought the vibrator she found in the trash was a curling iron LOOL

******************

some cute guy came in to pick up his grandma this morn
sephra was going crazy 

me: did you see that cute guy?

sephra: mmm-hhhmm

me: well... you need to back off

sephra: ain't gonna do that girl... i found the man of my dreams

me: i wonder when they're coming back

sephra: i dunno

me: damn... i won't be here for dinner, i'll be leaving pretty soon

sephra: *makes sign of the cross and thanks the heavens*


LOL... betch

******************

thanksgiving was nice and quiet
mama's not feeling too well though
i thought jim had gone out to celebrate with his gf
was surprised to see him in the house

that's one of the things i'm thankful for
getting to spend this day with the fam even if it's only for a short period of time and didn't eat dinner together
i have everything i need
a roof over my head, food on the table, a comfortable bed to sleep on and my family

i think about those who have to sleep on bus stops
those who ask for money on the freeway
those who have lost loved ones
those who are lonely and don't have family

i'm lucky
i am forever grateful to the big man upstairs for giving me these things
God always looks out for me
and i hate myself for being a selfish brat sometimes
feeling like i don't have enough 

i am thankful for everything

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

untamable mind

about the whole conspiracy thing with the freemasons and the illuminati
i would like to add something

it has come to my attention that perhaps this cult is just a diversion
maybe there is something else going on
something that is beyond our knowledge
all this... just to distract us from something bigger
they throw us off by thinking there is some kind of a conspiracy going on when there is something out there with a whole totally different purpose
a conspiracy within a conspiracy
i wish i knew what that was
maybe i am going insane thinking about these things
i admit that i do over think sometimes

******************

another dream again of me being in the philippines
whattheheckisgoingon
why am i dreaming about my home lately

we were in my father's house
me, jim and my mom were packing to go on a cruise for a couple days
my mom invited some of her friends too
i invited some of mine

mama told us about the trip two days prior 
which made it harder for us to get ready
so me and my brother finished packing when i suggested that we bring some socks
then he took forever to find some
and my mother, her friends and my friends had already gone (-.-)
there was only an hour left before the ship took off
my mom came back (cos she loves us) and we got on the train/shuttle
and to our surprise it took us to the opposite direction of where we were supposed to go
bam! we missed our ship :(
such a depressing dream
WHY

******************

well... slight change of plans
i guess i won't be cooking turkey tomorrow for thanksgiving
because i'm cooking it today
and cos mama says so
which makes sense cos it would take me hours to do it
plus i'm working tomorrow so that will give me a break
i already told noel to come to work early too
huuurrrr

totally forgot about the potluck at work today
yesterday the nurse told me there was going to be a little party 
well geez louis... way to tell me at the last minute
i bet they purposely did that to throw me off

chyea right... probs thought they'd hurt my feelings
mah feeeeelings ahah... as if
i never cared about being a part of the company 
and i ain't about to start now neegaz

bree tells me she gave me a really good reference at the nursing center
says that i'm a great leader

yeaaaaa boi wassup! 
hahaha
heck... i have no idea why she lied
i'm not even a team lead

so quick to get rid of me aye!
maybe i should stick around a little while longer so i can continue to be a pain in your ass

she told me something about her personal life
about how she and her partner tried to work it out but couldn't
after being together for 20 years

bree: it's good cos i don't have to worry about a lot of things now

me: the feeling is still there though

bree: yea... but i can get rid of that pretty quick

hahahah isn't that right
i don't think she meant it though
if you truly love and care about someone, the feeling won't go away completely
doesn't matter what you do (i.e. going to parties, having multiple partners)
the good memories are still there... you can deny it all you want
but deep inside you treasure those memories
so there will be a little bit of feeling left... it will just be buried deep in your heart
it will be especially difficult if most of the memories is good

love is a complicated thing
you feel, you grieve, you learn
move on

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

race friendly

nick was spewing out some nonsense this morning
something about him wanting a girlfriend 
or a friend with benefits 
or having a japanese girlfriend
Lord knows what he was talking about
must be my asian charm that unintentionally leaks out of me LOL jk
how about going out more often?
i'm sure there's plenty of cougars out there who would love you for your fascination with old classic rock music

*******************

my sense of humor can be twisted sometimes
one time the lights were out in the kitchen
darren went in there to get some drinks
with him being black, i made a joke

me: they haven't fixed the lights yet?

darren: nope

me: how am i supposed to see you in here?

HAHAHAHAHA i crack myself up

then val follows it with a "you just see him teeth" 
hahah
such a good sport he is <3

********************

supernatural tonight!
now where can i find one of these purity pledges hmm?
though i don't think they'd recruit me
i would be shunned for being overqualified ahah ;-)

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

philophobia

not sure how to feel about my dream last night

i was back home in the philippines for some reason
my friends were there with me
and at night time, i decided to take a stroll even though it was dark
next thing i know i found myself star gazing with my arms wrapped around someone who's not to be named

and i said that whenever i'd see a shooting star i would kiss her
there must have been about 4 shooting stars
so i kissed her chin, in the cheek twice, and in the forehead 
but then she turns around, grabs me and presses her lips against mine
i remember both of us smiling at each other and laughing, then carried on to our little make out session

gosh what's happening i don't even know 
i guess it was nice in a way 
but so not good 
but it was
i mean the feeling
not if it happened in rl
friggin a'
whateve

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

conspiracy

i've been meaning to address this particular secret society
i want to share their dark plans and expose their sneaky, clever ways to overpower the world

now, one may think it's impossible
but there's no such thing as impossible in this world especially if you have eyes everywhere

i am talking about the freemasons, the illuminati
they have three theories on how they affect the world
politically, religiously and culturally 
or all of the above

they are everywhere, yet hidden from society
they are already manipulating us
but we the people are unaware of their true intentions
we are unaware that some of us have been brainwashed 
through music, products and worse, our government
they've taken control of almost everything

this occult has been around since the 1400's
the members were highly intellectual with favorable status (illuminati means enlightened)
it was said that they acquired their knowledge from an unknown source

they claimed to be the good ones who helped the unfortunate people
they gained the trust of clergymen and claimed to be christians
however, they were abolished due to the assumption that they planned to overthrow the monarchy
and some members leaked some information that wasn't quite very amusing
they revealed that their true intention was to obtain people's trust so that they could take everything they owned and ultimately gain possession of everything

the only god they worshiped was lucifer or satan
there had been incidents where they sacrificed people and animals
they believed that their souls made them stronger, gave them fame and wealth
they even sold their own souls to the devil himself

today they are recruiting the powerful and successful 
the rich, the most influential people, artists, government officials, etc

what they want is to take control of the government worldwide
"new world order" is what they call it
a world where there's only one government, one language, one monetary unit, one god
their reason being it will unite the people and finally attain peace, no more wars
but some of us find this objective quite fishy... and full of bullshit
i, for one, believe that it's just a front... what's behind it is a dark, chilling and morbid desire to manipulate people for their own gain and to prove their loyalty and obedience to an evil god
and they are on their way to achieve that goal
the taliban, al qaeda, 9/11... all these disasters could very well be their own doing

all this is to prepare the coming of the antichrist himself
the signs are everywhere already
their symbol is the pyramid with an eye on top of it 
the eye of providence or the all-seeing eye of god (don't be deceived)
it sees everything (or rather its large connections around the world)
the arabic word for the antichrist is daijal... it is described that he will be blind in his left eye
deceiving people by claiming he is the messiah... he will be performing miracles
don't be fooled

pull out a one dollar bill
look behind it... there's a pyramid and the eye of providence on the left hand side
it's already among us
and if you fold a 20 dollar bill in a certain way, you can see the twin towers being destroyed

even before 9/11 happened, the signs were apparent
through comic books, newspapers, media, etc
it's their sneaky way of predicting what's going to happen
we were deceived and we chose to ignore the signs

i'm not being paranoid
i am stating the possible conspiracies around us
if all this is false then great
but we have to be mentally ready

i'm not trying to force people to believe all of this
and i definitely don't expect them to
but it's just a subject to take into consideration
don't let your guards down
you may think that it doesn't affect you or you're too smart to fall into this trickery
think again
they may be closer than you think

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

the remedy

ariana grande <3
you're so cute! muah muah!

*****************

val cracks me up

(in bulgarian accent)
"you know what i gotta tell you? i work in other place but this is the worse ever"
"americans are so stupid"
"i don't know nothing"
"i really doesn't care"
"why i gotta deal with all this bullshitting?"
"put in your book you give me my bonus next paycheck or i kill you"

hahahahah
she speaks her mind, i truly admire that woman
all of us have been through some things
things that brought us pain
the very same pain that changed us
either we learned or we became stronger

pain brings people together
because we know what it feels like
to feel abandoned, to be humiliated, to be lonesome
we know how we need somebody 
just to be there for us
that's why i feel for these people

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

carefree

my boss asks me why i'm short on my hours last week
i guess it showed that i wasn't at work last thursday
i tell her no, thinking she meant this wednesday
a few hours later i realized that i did call off last thursday ahahah
oh well... she's absent minded anyway

we have this new clock system where we put in our social and fingerprint
the boss says she's still learning how to do the time sheet

i hope she doesn't learn it soon because for a whole week i didn't clock in and out for break
my hours are all messed up haha

oh well
still as carefree as ever

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

empathy

so i hear tita jae is sick again
goodness... that's like the 10th time this year
that girl... i swear
i think we need to put her in an isolated island or something
anyway, get better sugar
sometimes i wonder what you're doing in your own time, picking up all this sickness

************************

some people seem to think i'm korean
sorry to bust your bubble peeps but i am pure filipino
well, maybe i'm mixed with something else but it doesn't matter
i was born there and it is my first home
i love my home, just not the people who run it
sometimes i think it would just be better off underwater 

i admit i am heartless and cold at times
but what i don't get is how people can't find it in their hearts to at least be good to people who are less fortunate than them... not only financially but physically
this morning i brought an old woman her food, warmed it up for her, got her pills out, woke her up and turned on her heater 

old woman: (almost in tears) bo, why are you so good to me?

this is the very same woman that i couldn't stand at first but has grown on me over the time
now that her health is deteriorating i feel bad for her

i couldn't give that lady an answer... my heart was torn in two and i was filled with shame...
shame for myself and my coworkers
i just left the room and never went back

i know that saying, "people don't care about you" will make me a hypocrite
and it didn't feel right so i just kept my mouth shut
what i wanted to say to her was "i'm sorry"

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

rainy days

loving today's weather
cloudy and rainy.... my favorite kind of day
i wish it were like this every.single.day
NOW i feel the christmas vibes
this kind of day makes me slip into my jammies, eat champorado and apple pie and drink hot chocolate
maybe relax on my bed and watch a horror movie
aahh yeaaahhh that's the life

and that's why i made champorado on this nice and cold weather

i'm a sucker for rain shots
i feel like i can show a part of me through my pictures
when i take my shots, i don't only use my eyes 
i use my heart as well
didn't care how stupid i looked taking pictures of the flowers in front of the house while holding an umbrella over me

tried to get a nice shot and this is the best i could get

*******************

i feel much better when i detach myself from things and people

i don't know why i hold on to worthless stuff

i guess i care too much about people thinking that i care when i don't

they don't do me any good 

i feel so much happier when i'm carefree

i see and think very clearly now

rainy days just bring out the best in me i guess

goodbye worries

hello happy days!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

blessed

must have been really exhausted today
after i got home, i fell asleep for two almost two hours straight
power nap ftw!
now the only problem is going back to sleep tonight... gah!
i couldn't sleep well last night
i had these lucid dreams and they weren't even pleasant dreams
here i was sleeping, dreaming about work... wutda frack!
i much prefer the dream i had a few days ago
now that was pleasant (;

*******************

it pains me to say this, with utmost shame, that i watched whores' glory on netflix
when that movie first came out, i was reluctant to watch it
i thought hey another porn movie
it had almost 5 stars and it didn't surprise me cos people are horny

all i can say is, wow.....
it's shocking how prostitution is becoming a normality in thailand
all these girls are seated in a room, with a glass window where men can see them
these women are being displayed
and these old perverts are like window shopping for a piece of meat
and this happens during the daytime!
at night they have a pretty good place to advertise themselves by dancing on the pole right in the middle of a mall or an outlet
where the heck are the police?!

i just calculated their price to dollars (don't ask why)
and these girls only cost $60? holy cow that's cheap!

and the segment on bangladesh brothels just broke my heart
all these young girls are forced to sell their bodies in order to eat at least 2 meals a day
what's funny though is that their pimps are these old ladies lol
sometimes parents sell their daughters
these children didn't look very happy... it's like they got their lives taken away from them
if they get kicked out, they'd have nowhere to go
they'd just be brutally harassed in the streets
what's even worse is these young ladies cost no more than $8
it's sad... it's sad how some people can do this to themselves, or worse, their people
this girl asks, is there another path for us? 
just heartbreaking

in mexico, some prostitutes worship this so-called holy death
they even have a statue for it
it's a skeleton and it holds a scythe 
some statues are dressed in a robe
they put it next to Jesus' and Mary's statues
i don't get why they do this... what is this holy death?
it just didn't feel right to me

anyway, i'm thankful that's not my life
i could have been one of those girls
i'm grateful God put me in a place where i can be free, where i have choices
never stop counting your blessings
always be grateful 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

karma

gahd... i want my old life back
back when i didn't have these many worries
back when i just went to school 
and all i had to worry about was coming up with the cash to buy gas and my wants
life has tricked me...

back then, i wanted to be an adult
....THE PHUCK WAS I THINKING
the older you get, the more responsibilities you have
why why why why why why


**********************


now that i've gotten that off my chest, time to talk about happy things
life is not all that bad
i love all the things it has to offer me
-- how it gives me the opportunity to become close to people who once were strangers to me
-- how it gives me trials to make me a stronger person
-- how it showed me that normality is too boring so i allow myself to be... well, myself
-- how it allows me to see things in a different point of view
-- how to give a little too much, expecting nothing in return
-- how it reminds me that everything could be worse 
-- how it humbles me
-- how it teaches me that it's okay not to care or pay attention rather than bottling the negative emotions
-- how it allows me to meet people, and have them teach me new things
-- how it exposes me to the extraordinary places and people
-- how it gives me emotional and physical pain because that makes me know i'm alive
-- and lastly, how it gives me a second chance... a chance to start over, to move on, to become the person that i've always wanted to be... as long as there's tomorrow, there's always a chance to do better

i'm not all negative
sometimes i manage to think clearly and see what i have, how blessed i am
what more could i ask?
i have everything i need
everything else will come at the right moment when i'm ready
i trust in God's unfailing love and mercy
what i have to do now is just enjoy my life and give my problems to Him
that simple


***********************


there was a homeless man asking for change this morning

man: hi ma'am, do you have change? all i need is 99 cents to get a burger from mcdonalds

me: hold on i'll check

man: thank you... i don't have a family here i'm all alone, they're all in chicago

me: sooo... what are you doing here?

man: oh you know, just to get away from the bad stuff
(and he just kept repeating it inserting nonsense words in between)

i handed him a dollar

man: thank you ma'am

then he walks to off to the opposite direction of mcdonalds


here's what i think about people asking for change and lying about it
i believe in karma
i believe that if you lie to someone and screw them over, it will come back to bite you in the ass
you are taking advantage of someone's good heart
believe you me, it will not go unpunished
God is watching, don't think that He isn't
God knows our true intentions, He sees what's in our hearts
He knows us better than we know ourselves

if you lie to me, i'll get mad temporarily then i'll get over it
but as for you mister, you're on your own
may God have mercy on your soul

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner

sleeping in

started making this coffee that i bought from walmart this a.m. called don francisco's hawaiian hazelnut
it smells amazing and heavenly... it's like i'm in hawaii haha
i'm still getting used to the taste... it's not bad or anything
it's just different in a good way

-------------------------

i wasn't planning on doing a double today 
even when rosa first asked me to stay to help her out, i told her i didn't want to
but then she asked me a few more times and begged me in a desperate manner
...... how could i say no to that
i stayed for 5 more hours and left
now my legs and feet are totes giving out
the good thing about it is i don't have to go to work tomorrow
booyaaaaaaaah
sleeping in for the win 

me: i'm going to leave early though

rosa: you don't care about your hours?

me: (scoff) yea right, like that would make a difference

--------------------------

just saw the supernatural trailer for next week's show


[after signing the purity pledge]
lady: congratulations, you are now virgins

dean: (wears the biggest grin ever) 

hahaha so excited to see the new ep. next week

heart2heart

i want to take this moment to greet a happy, happy birthday to my mama
many more to come!

went to see bad grandpa with jim and mama last night LOL
it was hilarious
i'm glad my mom found it funny, with her being conservative and all lol

this morning we went to denny's for brunch
i never would have thought my brother was the type to talk about feelings
from the words of mr. sensitive himself, "you've never had a heart to heart talk with your parents?"
when they started talking about personal stuff, i got a little bit uncomfortable

my mama is probably the strongest woman i have ever met
i know she went through hell when she was young, she didn't even have a childhood
she's told me many times about what she had gone through
abuse from her parents, the trauma of domestic violence, the health problems she developed, the divorce
i mean i can understand why she's the way she is now
why she has a totally different belief and moral values from mine and jim's
she's strict and she lectures us all the time
but she would always give examples from her experience
sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes it's not

but ma, you have got to let us make our own mistakes and have our own experiences so we can learn from them
we're not kids anymore

then we got to talking about my useless biological father, or as i like to call him "sperm donor"
my brother doesn't seem affected at all
but then, he was always out and about with his friends 
he didn't witness how every night i cried hysterically for our father to stay, how i yearned for his company
even then, i knew where he'd always go
--to his mistress
i must have been about 6-7 years old
i realized that kids at that age shouldn't know as much as i did then

ma: i don't want to die with you two holding a grudge against your father

don't worry ma, i held a grudge but not anymore
he's not worth worrying over, nor my thoughts 

------------------------------

i'm not proud to say that i fell off the wagon last night
but i don't regret it one bit... one can only take so much
i've tried dealing with stress in different ways
relaxing, emptying my mind of negativity, buying stuff, going out
even exercising doesn't seem to work anymore
what's worse is that i know exactly what i need to do
surrender everything to Him
but i just can't let go of the worries
why i torture myself like this i don't know
i think it's my ego that likes to have control over everything
want.to.let.go.so.bad
come on bo, there's nothing wrong with it, you'd have less things to worry about
gahd so stubborn... need someone to slap me hard

chill sunday

i almost forgot about valya's souvenir for me

it's been in my safe hiding place for almost a month

she probs got it from her friend in england

it's too sweet for my liking though

decided to make corned beef, cabbage and potatoes st. patrick's style

meat was kinda tough though... should have just left it for 2.5 hours

flavor was nice, not too salty not too spicy

well... bon appetit!

someone's getting comfortable...

i've been replaced :(

vi, how could you! huhuhu

-------------------------------------

sometimes i hate my being stubborn
i know that there are times when i have no control over things 
yet i insist that i do
i keep telling myself that it's okay 
but i'm so damn hardheaded that i tune out everything my conscience says
i've tried ignoring my need to control everything, even suppress it
but it keeps surfacing up and comes back to slap me in the face
and now i have no idea what to do with myself
it's honestly annoying

par-tay!

i was bored shitless this morning
so i picked on everyone that lives in my humble abode

the things that came out of my mouth:
-ma, cover your shoulder, you look like a prosti
-why are you wearing a leopard skirt? it doesn't match
-wear a jacket
-you have way too many rings, give me one
-you gonna wear a suit? you'll look stupid 
-why didn't you shave?
-the back of your head looks like it has a dent on it

ahhh quality time with the fam... i know i'm mean
but i love them to death

the birthday party was a success thanks to all the casa filipina staff and our friends who came
my mama isn't usually the type to throw parties but since it's her 50th, might as well
it is a once of a lifetime opportunity she says
true i guess
i hope everyone had fun as much as we did
danced my butt off yeaaaa boiiiiiii
line dancing ftw

commandments

what the effing eff??
all these people getting suspended at work but me! where's my suspension lettah!
ugh... can't even take a break from these people

so i heard something uber ridiculous that someone said at work
this newly converted woman said that God doesn't love everybody
gurl, what kind of god are you worshiping?
maybe your god doesn't, but mine does
don't think that just because you've gotten into Christianity, it automatically makes you superior to others

being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect
it means having to swallow your pride to save and maintain your relationship with others
it means loving and treating one another like how you would want to be treated
and most importantly, it means loving one God with all your heart, body and soul

heck, i'm far from perfect
i lie, i cheat, i hold onto anger, i'm selfish, i'm lazy, i cuss
i'm only human... but i try my best to be a better person than yesterday
and that's what matters... you try 
Jesus died for us and gave us free will
it's up to us if we choose to live on without our conscience or to follow Him and His ways

you're preaching oh so highly like you're not a sinner yourself
you said you had an affair with some guy in prison while you were still married
but you also say your marriage was dead anyway

just.... just stop
stop right there
girl, it don't matter if your marriage is dead, in the eyes of God y'all are still married okay?
that's considered adultery... you committed adultery
stop making excuses and start owning up to your mistakes

i know i'm a sinner
sometimes i think i don't deserve God's love and mercy
but i try to make up for it in any way i can
i don't make excuses anymore
i accept that fact that i sin, yet i also try to better myself

it's things like this that make me want to think about looking for a new job
i've been weighing some stuff and i have concluded that it's not worth it
these people have a very bad attitude and the gossiping never stops
i've been taking the high road for too long, it's time to move on to better things