2013 summary

I cannot believe we only have 3 more days until we start the 2014 year.
It feels like I just met my friends a month ago.
Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Within those 4 years, so much has happened. 
Some people got married, had kids, divorced, moved, became strangers, etc.
Just the thought of it overwhelms me.

I want to make this blog a summary of my 2013 journey.

January-June:
That was a very confusing time for me. Trying to figure out some things.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out some stuff on your own.
I wanted so bad to have someone explain it for me.
But I couldn't tell anybody because I felt like they might not understand me.
I've always felt different. Even my close friends seem like strangers to me.
It doesn't mean that I don't love them.
As a matter of fact, I adore them. I care about those guys.
But wherever I go, it seems like I don't fit in anywhere.
At times that's a good thing I suppose.

It's just that, growing up I didn't know what it was like to have real friends.
I just mostly played with other kids, but I knew their parents didn't want them around me for God knows whatever reason. 
I think that's why I hardly ever get along with my friends' parents.
Some kids pretended to like me because my mama was a teacher.
Perhaps they thought that if they got on my bad side, I'd tell on them.
Sad.

Although there were two girls with whom I was very close. 
One of them was a distant relative. 
But then life always finds a way to separate us. 
Rumor was that one of the girls was in hiding because she had killed someone that she was working for.
I don't know if that's true or not but I pray for them.
I'm good at some things, but getting in touch with people after going away is not one of them.

I think that ever since then I have drilled the idea in my head that maybe I'm not meant to have one of life's treasured gifts, friendship. 
But I was wrong. 
I learned that giving people a piece of my heart is not at all bad.
Even when I do something nice for people and they just shrug it off like it's nothing, I realize that Jesus did the same thing for us. And I feel honored to experience a little bit of what He went through.

But if you're foolish enough to want me in your life, then you're gonna have to have patience.
Because it will take a long period of time to get through this wall.
If you think I'm not worth it, then by all means, do move on. No hard feelings.
We're all messed up in some way.

I've trained (and successfully) convinced myself to think that others don't want my friendship... like everything I do doesn't matter. It's why I keep a low profile.
Just imagine having that mentality for more than 10 years.
Patience indeed.

Moving on.

July-December:
I was slowly becoming at peace with how I felt.
I've accepted the things I cannot change, but I'm still struggling a little bit.
I was seeing a bit clearly. I realized what I wanted to do a few years from now.
I figured that if I'm gonna be doing things by myself, I might as well enjoy it.
I created a goal that involves traveling, meeting strangers, discovering things about myself, and much more.
It's kind of a motivation for me. 
I honestly don't know what's going to happen but I have a feeling God has things for me to do.
I just don't know what.
I guess I'll just have to see.
A reunion with an old friend was also one of the highlights this year.
And for that I am very grateful.

This year also has its crazies.
People who once were acquaintances became enemies.
Betrayal, disappointment, frustration, sadness.
Adventure, happiness, loyalty, empowerment.
It's definitely life changing.



I hope next year will be another dysfunctional-filled experience haha.
I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

BRING IT ON 2014!