Huge baby

I was looking forward to a quiet and peaceful day.
Then Jill calls me up... says she's going to buy lunch.
Now what person in their right mind would say no to that?
Free food? Count me in brotha!

Went shopping afterwards. 
Jill still hasn't decided on what she's going to wear haha.
I wouldn't be opposed to her wearing a wonder woman outfit.
Just saying.
Or maybe my imagination is running wild again.
Oh raging hormones stop it!
HAHAHA

***************

So I heard one of my mama's former co-workers (also a friend) in the Philippines is here in AZ.
Her name is Doree and she wanted to meet up and have dinner.
So we drove down to Tempe, picked her up and went to Chandler to have dinner at Jeepney Bistro.
The place was mehh. Halo Halo is better.
Anyway, she looked very familiar to me. I didn't really know her before.

Doree: Your daughter is so tall now! I remember when she was so chubby.

Chubby? I don't remember being chubby... whatchu talkin bout.

Mama: Of course you were chubby. You were 10.2 lbs when I gave birth to you. It was very painful when they stitched me back up.

HOT DAMN THAT'S HUGE.
Kudos to my mother for carrying a monster like me *bow*

Another entertaining day.
I hope to meet Doree again. She's funny and very talkative.
She's on her own, her family is still in Cebu. I hope she stays strong.
My mama and I feel for her. 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Strange dreams

My dream last night was...
How should I put it...
Strangely amusing. Yes... amusingly bizarre.
I had like 100 different dreams but I can only remember three of them.

Now let's see if I remember it correctly.
The first one was sort of morbid.
I was in some beach and I was being forced to surf in the waves.
So my late uncle and I went.
The waves were okay at first but as we started to surf, they got bigger and bigger.
It must have gotten up to 30 feet.
It swallowed us and the next thing I know I was floating, looking down on my dead uncle's body, but I couldn't find mine. I wasn't scared at all. I was just sad. It's not the first dream that I had where I was swallowed by a tidal wave or tsunami. 

What I notice though is that I keep having those dreams about the same beach. I don't even know where it is. But it always has a huge rock in the middle of the ocean and a deck made of wood with huts and coconut trees. It's always the same place. If it has a meaning to it or not, I don't know.

Anyway, the second one was uncomfortably awkward.
So in my friends list, there's this guy that I've never met, much less know. His name is Ying and he has a girlfriend that's like taller than him.
We were in his house and for some weird reason we were attacked by an unknown villain and he/she used toxic gas to destroy us. 
Ying ran like hell, leaving his gf behind. 
And being sympathetic and nice that I am, I stayed and tried to figure out how to save her. 
I held my breath, grabbed a rubber tube and filled it with air. I grabbed the girl just as she fainted and forced the tube down her. I then dragged her body outside. 
She was grateful afterward. Too grateful that is.
She kissed me and packed her stuff. She told Ying she's leaving him to live with me.
It happened so fast, I just stood there like an idiot. I thought, what the fuck is going on!?
I remember thinking, I never should have saved this girl. She wasn't in love with me, she was in love with the idea of me saving her. She was too blinded to see it. So I did nothing and let her be. I don't find her attractive or appealing or anything. It's just one of those weird dreams that leave you speechless.
But in the end, Ying won her heart back and they were together again, which was a relief. I thought, that's it. No more being nice to people.

The third dream was just frightening.
I was having dinner with friends and Vi. And there was a child in my lap. It was mine.
I HAD A DAUGHTER... SITTING IN MY LAP.
Total WTF moment.
And surprisingly, she looked a lot like Vi....  aww.
She didn't have a father or anything like that.
I was a single parent. 
Another WTF moment.
I was happy though, which was strange.
Oh well.

Anyway, that's that.
I'm weird. I have weird dreams, and I love it.
Even though at times it creeps the shit out of me.
Can't do anything about it though.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Last supper

Armarie calls me at 9 am in the morning.
WAAH WHY SO EARLY
She told me to come to work to have lunch cos Auntie Fely is buying food.
It sounded too good resist.

I got there at 1pm.
Food didn't come until 2pm.
Huhuh so hungry.

That was a nice lunch though. 
She went all out this time hahaha.

Auntie Fely: This is Bo's last supper.

What the heck?
You say it like I'm gonna die tomorrow ahah.
I don't think I'm gonna die soon Auntie.
But if I am, then I'll be ready.


I found a good deal on a leather jacket as well.
Original price was $60.
But in the end I only paid $17. 
WHAT UP
I gave it to my mama as a late Christmas gift.
I keep forgetting about my stepdad's though.
Frick!

Mama went to confession while I stayed in the adoration chapel.
I like to go in there because it's quiet and I can concentrate on my praying.
Prayed for many things (i.e. family and friends, suffering souls, for the sick, etc)
It's a peaceful place to be in.

Overall, a productive day.
Thankful for companionship and prayers.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

2013 summary

I cannot believe we only have 3 more days until we start the 2014 year.
It feels like I just met my friends a month ago.
Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Within those 4 years, so much has happened. 
Some people got married, had kids, divorced, moved, became strangers, etc.
Just the thought of it overwhelms me.

I want to make this blog a summary of my 2013 journey.

January-June:
That was a very confusing time for me. Trying to figure out some things.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out some stuff on your own.
I wanted so bad to have someone explain it for me.
But I couldn't tell anybody because I felt like they might not understand me.
I've always felt different. Even my close friends seem like strangers to me.
It doesn't mean that I don't love them.
As a matter of fact, I adore them. I care about those guys.
But wherever I go, it seems like I don't fit in anywhere.
At times that's a good thing I suppose.

It's just that, growing up I didn't know what it was like to have real friends.
I just mostly played with other kids, but I knew their parents didn't want them around me for God knows whatever reason. 
I think that's why I hardly ever get along with my friends' parents.
Some kids pretended to like me because my mama was a teacher.
Perhaps they thought that if they got on my bad side, I'd tell on them.
Sad.

Although there were two girls with whom I was very close. 
One of them was a distant relative. 
But then life always finds a way to separate us. 
Rumor was that one of the girls was in hiding because she had killed someone that she was working for.
I don't know if that's true or not but I pray for them.
I'm good at some things, but getting in touch with people after going away is not one of them.

I think that ever since then I have drilled the idea in my head that maybe I'm not meant to have one of life's treasured gifts, friendship. 
But I was wrong. 
I learned that giving people a piece of my heart is not at all bad.
Even when I do something nice for people and they just shrug it off like it's nothing, I realize that Jesus did the same thing for us. And I feel honored to experience a little bit of what He went through.

But if you're foolish enough to want me in your life, then you're gonna have to have patience.
Because it will take a long period of time to get through this wall.
If you think I'm not worth it, then by all means, do move on. No hard feelings.
We're all messed up in some way.

I've trained (and successfully) convinced myself to think that others don't want my friendship... like everything I do doesn't matter. It's why I keep a low profile.
Just imagine having that mentality for more than 10 years.
Patience indeed.

Moving on.

July-December:
I was slowly becoming at peace with how I felt.
I've accepted the things I cannot change, but I'm still struggling a little bit.
I was seeing a bit clearly. I realized what I wanted to do a few years from now.
I figured that if I'm gonna be doing things by myself, I might as well enjoy it.
I created a goal that involves traveling, meeting strangers, discovering things about myself, and much more.
It's kind of a motivation for me. 
I honestly don't know what's going to happen but I have a feeling God has things for me to do.
I just don't know what.
I guess I'll just have to see.
A reunion with an old friend was also one of the highlights this year.
And for that I am very grateful.

This year also has its crazies.
People who once were acquaintances became enemies.
Betrayal, disappointment, frustration, sadness.
Adventure, happiness, loyalty, empowerment.
It's definitely life changing.



I hope next year will be another dysfunctional-filled experience haha.
I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

BRING IT ON 2014!

Life mysteries

I like being a part-timer/on-call.

And apparently, according to Maria, I'm a call girl.

Haha... a little inside joke of ours.

Unless I'm doing what I absolutely love, I try to spend as less time in the workplace as possible.

I don't like being around people.

I'd rather have a cat or a dog.

***************

So nice to be reunited again with Ms. Chanelle herself.

She still makes me feel loved and appreciated <3

She also made me realize that I complain too much about work, and that I don't find joy in what I do.

Well, she's probably right. I do complain a lot. 

But it's not all that bad. Helping people is rewarding. 

Being thanked, when they hold or kiss your hand, getting a hug or gifts from them, or when they say good things about you... those things definitely bring joy to my heart because I know that in some little way, I was of help to them and made a difference.

But I don't want to tell people that.

Either they get jealous or they'll just roll their eyes and think I'm all that.

I don't like to be arrogant.

Besides, I agree with Jimi Hendrix. As he once said, "I don't like compliments. They distract me."

I really don't understand why some people like to be the center of attention.

Their egos must be way up there.

That's one of life's mysteries that I'll never uncover.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Reflect

For a moment there, I'd forgotten what Christmas was all about.
Jesus please forgive me.
I was so hung up on myself that I failed to see what's important.

Regret.
So much regret.
That I chose to work on Christmas eve.
My brother was off from work and my whole family was there.
I felt such a heavy sorrow when I left the house that night.
Would have loved to spend time with them.
But what's done is done.

**************

It really is nice to have someone to talk to about things that you simply cannot talk to other people about.
Some people just don't take me seriously so I don't bother talking to them.
It's hard to talk to anybody really. 
Either they take it as a joke and brush it off, or they don't listen to you and continually change the subject.

After my little pep talk, I felt a lot better.
And I believe that everything's going to be ok.
I'll be okay.
I thank the Lord above for blessings in disguise.
I know Your love never fails.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Merry Merry Christmas!

First day of orientation was... what's the word... oh yeah, dumb.

Dumb dumb dumb. Can't stress that enough.

That girl has no teaching skills. 

Like duh, like I would totally like explain everything first before I, like, make you do things... and like.

FUDGE.

I could tell she has no interest in what she does.

***************

Mama and I attended mass on Christmas eve. It was packed.

I was a bit of in a cranky mood cos I didn't sleep well.

And out of nowhere, some kid fainted in church.

Her mom became hysterical and people started to crowd around them.

Seriously people, give her some air.

Random lady: Is there a doctor or a nurse in here?

Me: If she can wait 2 years, there will be.

I didn't say it aloud of course.

I bet all of those nurses in there were like, girl I'm off duty, go call 911.

Crazy.

***************

Second day of orientation was better.

At least the girl explained and showed me every room and what each resident is like.

I'm definitely more confident now.

I'm having second thoughts about morning shift though.

I saw how it is.

People running around and shitting themselves at the same time.

I'm nervous now.

But God will be there with me.

I trust that everything will be okay.

***************

Huhuhuh I'm so jealous.

My brother got my mom a Samsung tablet for Christmas.

WHY

Why did I ask for a jacket waaaahhh

I haven't opened my prezzies yet, but I have a feeling it's a jacket.

Dang it!

Sniff sniff.

Oh well.

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy your families and gifts (:

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Reverse

Who has two thumbs and is officially done with Christmas shopping?
This girl!!!
I was sooooo exhausted! Ms. Jeelyn and I went to 4 different stores.
I know what you're thinking. 
You only went to 4 stores. What are you complaining about?
Well.
All I can say is, go shopping with Jeelyn and find out for yourself.

Hmm... now let's see how I do tonight.
I'm not used to sleeping during the day.
I guess I could take 100 pills of Melatonin.
Haha.
Ahh, help me God.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Frozen

Left Phoenix with the DLS sisters at almost 8 am.
Unfortunately Sammie couldn't go.

Kinda got me scared cos I was driving through a fog.
Scurry.
But we survived.

Snow!!
So excited that I got to see snow~
Was freezing though.
I hope none of us get sick by tomorrow.
Still amazed by Jeelyn's body temp. I think hers is warmer than normal.

Went to the candle factory, Tonto natural bridge, and Shoofly village ruins.
Still a bit annoyed that I didn't find the staircase waterfall.
Ahhhh! 
Next time maybe.

******************

Don't know how I'm going to do this.
Will be working night shift on Monday and Tuesday.
I guess I'll be staying up all night on Sunday so I can sleep Monday morning.
The problem is, can I do it?
:(
Sad face.
Oh well. 
I'll get it over with.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

TFTS Part 3

How do you deal with your enemies?

-I avoid them as much as possible. I'm no troublemaker. Not only is it a mess, but it's a burden I'd have to carry for the rest of my life. I mean who wants that? I understand that some people are so miserable with their lives that they have to spread it around them... and I don't want none of that. I just pray for me and for them. I don't want my anger to get the better of me. I don't want to say something that I will regret. I've learned my lesson.

Your view on marijuana?

-Honestly, I don't see any harm in it. I mean it has been used for medical purposes. It's all a conspiracy. They don't want to legalize it for the fear of pharmaceutical companies going bankrupt. Let's face it, marijuana can pretty much treat most symptoms and even cure diseases. Has anybody actually died from smoking it? I don't care what y'all think, I support it.

Do you see yourself having a family?

-I guess in some way I do. But I've stopped thinking about that stuff because I am trying to follow God's will. It's a mystery to me. I desire to be satisfied in God's love alone before I get myself into that kind of commitment.

The person you admire the most?

-There's a few. One of them is St. Francis de Assisi. He was a wealthy man, he had at it all. But he gave it up to help people. His heart was in the right place. A person like that makes me want to be better and believe in humanity.

What can you say about your close friends?

-They are good people. And frankly, sometimes I don't know how to behave around them because I never really had friends that stuck around for a while. I do feel like I don't fit in sometimes. I mean most of them are pretty much a family and I feel left out cos I'm not related or in some kind of a special relationship with any of them. I'm just a friend, and I know my place. I keep myself out when and where I am not needed. Some of them say I'm just like family to them now but... I don't know. I'm in my own world where nobody gets in, nobody gets out. I'm stubborn like that.

In other words, you're detached.

-I guess. It's hard you know? Depending on someone for happiness. It's what I call dumb happiness. Besides, it's no use attaching yourself to worldly things. In fact, that's a deadly sin. When you get your happiness from things or people, that means that you have other idols other than the Father Himself. I mean I am happy whenever I am with my family and I can rely on them for support and care. But in God alone do I find comfort and peace. I talk to Him as if He were my friend, I pray to Him, I spill out my problems and emotional struggles to Him and I am at ease whenever I realize He is with me, never leaving His hands and eyes on me.

Errand girl

I have a new nickname for myself now.
'Errand girl'
Since that's what I seem to be mostly doing on my free time.

Orientation went ok.
She told me it would take a couple hours.
Right.
I had that shit done in an hour. 
Will continue with orientation for four days next week.
Weeeee~ at least I'll be off on Christmas day!
Now onto filling out the calendar for next month.

Went to visit Isabel cos she said she had something else made for me.
Awww... that was so nice of her.
In return, I wrote down all the tricks on the 1st and 2nd floor to make her job easier.
That's the least I could do for her.

Armarie then texts me and asks if I can go Christmas shopping with her for the residents.
Shortly after that, Lanie sent me a text as well saying she needs someone to go with her to the MVD.
What in the world is going on?
I think I need a bunch of clones so I can be in different places at the same time.
There's not enough Bo to go around.

Had a nice bonding moment with the bro and mama.
We couldn't wait to give Jim his Christmas present (and also a late birthday gift)
We got him a GoPro cam to record his extreme hobbies.

Enjoy it brother! Don't break it. That cost me a paycheck.

And as a Christmas present, Jim bought me a big backpack for school.

Cos he asked and I saw that as an opportunity to get what I want harhar.

And mama got me something that looks like a belt that has my name on it.

She says it's to wrap my luggage when I travel so that when I claim it, I will easily recognize it.

It's yellow. It's pretty recognizable alright.

And she got me a card holder awww.

I love my peeps.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Bye A.L.

Huhuhu so touched <3
I didn't tell everyone about my leaving.
I kind of feel bad that I left those residents hanging.
Sometimes I worry if the others will do as good a job as I did.
How conceited LOL.

Anyway, the company had an all staff meeting.
And just as I went there, the executive director was already wrapping it up.
Oh well.
At least I got my Fry's gift card.
Now let's see how much is in this thing.

**********************

I was wondering why Isabel asked me what my favorite color was yesterday.
She made me this cute beanie! Awww.... so touched.
I'm honored to have worked with her.
She isn't as bad as everyone makes her out to be.

My head will be warm this winter

Orientation tomorrow at 10 a.m.

YAY I get to sleep in :D

Then daytip this Saturday with the girls. 

Woohoo! So excited hehehe.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Cold feet

A special shout out to Michelle.
Who convinced Nick that I am her female lover.
Can't believe how gullible some people are.
How you gonna believe someone who's married and has children to have a lesbian lover on the side?
Idiots, that's what.
Ahh, I'm gonna miss these guys.

*************

I have tomorrow left, then orientation on Thursday.
When asked what time I was available for orientation, my original response was 9am.
Then I got to thinking about sleeping in and said 10am.
Cos I'm awesome like that ;)

*************

Cirque du Freak on Syfy!
Hohoho another marvelous feast for the eyes.
Though I'm not a fan of the characters.
They could have picked better ones.
Reminds me of my teenage years when I used to read them scifi books.
Hmm... I wonder whatever happened.
I guess reading was my only escape from reality.
I would love to start reading again if given more time.
And if my laziness goes away, which I doubt.
Boohoo.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Cheesecake!

I made some french toast today.
Waahh! I didn't take a picture of it :(
Waste.
Had breakfast at the DLS sisters' apartment.
I went there, leaving my shame in my house.
The toast would have been better if there was syrup though.
But it wasn't too bad.

Watched Black Death on Netflix with Janine.
This girl fell asleep midway through the movie.
Then she moves like she has no care in the world and puts her head on my tummy.
Do I look like a pillow to you?
My back and buttocks were hurting.
But I decided to let her sleep til 1pm since she'd just gotten out from work.
I'll be nice.

Woke her up at 1:00 cos I was starving.
Went to this Korean place and we both had bulgogi.
I almost cleaned out my plate, that's how hungry I was.
Usually I only finish like half of it.

I don't know if my being silent makes Janine uncomfortable or frustrated.
I can't help it.
And I do try to talk whenever I have interesting things to talk about.
Though I much prefer to have the other person talk.
I'm a listener. 
Sometimes I worry about what other people might say.
They might say, "Don't you have anything to say?"
Or, "Why are you so quiet? You're not helping me."
But it is what it is.

T'was my first time going to Cheesecake factory.
Went there to have dessert.
Had a dutch apple caramel streusel.
It was the bomb yo! 
I like the place already.

Went to Armarie's to visit Vi.
She then suggested we go harvest her much bearing fruit trees.
Free oranges baby!

Productive day, wouldn't ya say?
Although I was planning on going hiking.
But that's ok. 
Maybe next time.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Guilt-bound

God, I'm so sorry that I missed church today.
There is no excuse for it... and it makes me feel even worse.
I, your servant, am willing to accept the consequences.

**************

Tried to teach Jeelyn how to ride a bike.
She almost had it!
But she kinda gave up on herself.
Can't teach someone who doesn't believe that they can do it.
I could tell she had so much fear.
Cos that's what's holding her back.

She had some improvement though.
She was able to pedal with both her feet while balancing herself for one second.
It just takes more practice.
Too bad she refuses to do it again.

Oh wells.
We went to Lam's afterwards to buy her vegetarian chicharon but she ended up buying the real chicharon.

"I was there and I saw it, but I could just picture myself eating the real chicharon with vinegar so I got it."
LOL
Whatadork.
I don't think the vegan one would taste good anyway.

Then had dinner at world buffet and saw some real Christmas trees next to the place.
For something that's only used once a year, those trees cost a fortune!
I just don't see the point though?
Why buy something that expensive when it will only dry out later on?
You can't use it next year!
But they do have some that can be planted or something.
Those are even more pricey.
Better to buy a fake reusable tree.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Desolation of Smaug

Finally got a reply from Chanelle.
I thought she'd be pissed but she was thrilled.
We don't have a lot in common.
Though stubbornness is a trait that we share.
And I do regret what I said the last time we talked.
But that was when I was bitter.
Now I think I can talk to her without being so cranky.

****************

Saw The Desolation of Smaug tonight.
I thought the first movie had a more intense cliffhanger. 
It was good.
So bummed that Liv Tyler wasn't in it :(
Whatevs.
At least Legolas was there :D
So cold tonight burrr.

Lanie was saying she was gonna sleep over.
If she did, I was going to sleep at Armarie's.
But she didn't reply to my message so I guess that means I can sleep in my bed tonight ahah.
My warm, cozy bed ahhh

God alone

They're showing Odd Thomas on Directv Cinema!
What what what!
How come it's not on theaters!?
Such a tease!
Huhuhu. 

******************

I started reading this book called 'God Alone' by Joanie Yoder.
It's such an inspiring book. 
Its words full of encouragement.
I learned that in our struggles, God doesn't mean to be cruel.
Instead, He gives us problems to shape or mold us, ultimately making us better.
Joanie gave some great examples too.

Like baking a cake from scratch.
You lay out all the ingredients: corn starch, baking soda, flour, oil, sugar, etc.
The only ingredient that tastes good is sugar, everything else is yucky.
But if you mix them altogether, they make a very delicious cake.
Each ingredient is like our struggle.
They come together to make us what God wants us to be.

I haven't read much of the book.
Though my favorite so far is the section about "little by little."
The author talks about this book that she used to read when she was little.
It was about this little boy who had a shovel and was trying to clear a pathway through deep, new-fallen snow in front of his house.
And this man asks him, "Little boy, how can someone as small as you expect to finish a task as big as this?"
The boy confidently replies, "little by little" and continues.

We do things little by little.
God doesn't ask us to do them all at once.
By doing it one step a time, we are well on our way to accomplish bigger things.
"Little by little is an effective strategy. For victory, trust God to move your mountain. But keep on digging."

Sometimes I convince myself that I can live on my own, that I am self-sufficient.
But no, I've been deceiving myself.
God has been walking with me in my journey.
Without Him, I am nothing.
We're not self-sufficient. 
We are God-dependent. 
We wouldn't be here if it were not for Him.
I try to tell myself that everyday.
I have much to learn in this life. I am far from being a perfect Christian.
As long as He's with me, I will be okay. 
He is my shepherd.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

TFTS Part 2

how's your relationship with your cousins (father's side)?

-it's there, we just don't talk much... i mean besides the age gap, they have their own family now so there's barely any time to hang out

do you hate them?

-no... in fact, i'm quite fond of them... like i mentioned before, there's this wall between us that's stopping us from enjoying each other... that wall being my aunt (their mother)

what do you look for in a person?

-loyalty (very important), honesty, artistic, kindhearted, empathetic, optimistic, chill, laid back (controlling and possessiveness are a turn off), someone with a sense of humor and integrity, someone who's not afraid to be weird and crazy sometimes, someone i can travel and have adventures with, someone who understands me (meaning that there will be times when i need to be alone by myself... believe me i have my reasons but i'm sure they're nothing to be alarmed about), someone who trusts me completely (a little jealousy is ok, but if it becomes too much then consider the relationship over), someone who lets me have my freedom and accepts me 

where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

-in a strange place getting wonderfully lost

why do you like rainy days?

-i love the rain... i know to most people it's depressing but i wish they'd put themselves in my shoes and see how i see it... people need to see the beauty of it... the rain makes me feel really relaxed... like i can temporarily put my mind and soul at ease... it calms me... there are no words to describe the emotions it gives me... it just fills my soul with unexplained joy and content... i am in love with the rain itself... it brings out the best in me
how are you holding up?

-i'm hanging in there... moving on is hard especially with how things are right now... i know i said that if it's meant to be, it will find a way... but i have this gut feeling that it isn't, i can't explain it... i just don't see the point of me holding onto something that's never going to be... no matter how painful it is, i have to let go

Thoughts

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas.
What do I want for Christmas?
I know what I want.
But I know I can never have it.
I'm not saying it's impossible.
The chances of it happening is like one in a trillion.
I'm not even going to keep my hopes up.
I mean who doesn't want to win the power ball?

***********

Had a cup a coffee + black tea this morning.

My immaturity got the better of me.
Started to make fun of everyone.
Sephra was cracking up and Isabel asked why I was so hyper.
She says not to drink coffee when I start school.

GURL HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY
Of course I'm gonna drink it! I need it!
Such blasphemy!

***********

I love this quote from Deuteronomy:

"ye shall not be afraid of the face of man; for the judgment is God's: and the cause that is too hard for you, bring it unto me, and I will hear it"

So true.
People have no power over you. 
If you let them, it is on you.
It is how you react to their actions that shows your character.
If people keep mistreating you, it is okay to walk away.
It is better to keep silent, than say something that you will regret.
Feelings are temporary, but what you will say cannot be undone.
Choice your words wisely.

If you come across a problem, offer it to God.
I myself have trouble with this.
I tend to hang onto things.
I don't know why.
I guess some things are too good to let go.
It took me most of my life just to let go of what happened with my father.
I'm just barely moving on.

If you ever feel like nothing ever goes right, just put your hand on your chest.
Feel the heartbeat?
Then God still has a purpose for you.
Keep going. Have faith.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Mean when sick

Aaaargh
Woke up with that scratchy feeling in my throat.
I hope I'm not getting sick.
I felt like a walking zombie.
Was way behind in my paperwork too.
I'm supposed to be only passing meds and helping them old people.
Why am I doing the nurse's job!?
I don't get paid enough for this.
I'm not even sure if I have the right license or certification for it.
Eff this crap in the bunghole.

I'm crabby today. 
Is it obvious?
Mothereffing shiznut.

**************

Rufus asks me how my girlfriend is doing.
What are you talking about, ya tranny.
Do I not act like I'm single!?

Rufus: Well, you're always posting pictures on facebook.

Uhh I don't post much on facebook. You must be talking about my tags, ya idiot.


I am not a pleasant person to be around when I'm sick.
You can be rest assured that I will ruin your perfectly happy day by insulting you.
Especially if you talk a lot. 
Freaking annoys me.
You may not know it but deep down I am strangling the bejeezus out of you.

Lord God please forgive me for being so mean.
I just hate being tired and sick.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Home Alone

I want to take this moment to greet Jim a happy happy birthday!
Although you're a pain in my neck, you're still my brother.
And I love you, even though at times I don't show it.

You're the one who taught me how to ride a bike.
Even when I had cuts and oil grease on my legs, you still insisted that I keep going.
You are my first bully, always beating me up as a kid.
I was your first passenger when you drove that moped and crashed.
You were distant but whenever someone tried asking me out, you were there to scare them off.
Overprotective and a butt head, you are.

We may not be the perfect siblings but we try to be there for each other.
Happy birthday brother!

*************

HOME ALONE!!! AAHHHH
I thought I'd never see that movie again!
I was so bummed that they didn't show it for two years straight.
Or maybe I wasn't paying too much attention to tv?
Welp.

Macaulay Culkin was my favorite child star back then.
I would always look out for Richie Rich and Home Alone re-runs.
Ahh... I miss my childhood.
I miss the times when I could skip school.

My father left me all by myself to do whatever I pleased.
Which was sort of a good thing.
I went out to buy goodies and candies.
Come home and watch movies that would be considered HBO material these days.
I used to watch Armageddon, Twister, and classic cartoons.
My favorite was Popeye and Bugs Bunny.

Hmm... how did my father manage to afford cable?
Huh. 
I guess that's the result of whoring yourself to the gov't officials.

I WANT MY CHILDHOOD BACK.

I didn't mind being alone.

In fact, I enjoyed it.

I don't care what anyone says.

Solitude is a wonderful thing.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.