horror freak

mr. francis and i were casually talking and i unconsciously blurted out some personal stuff.. .before i could continue, i stopped, realizing i shouldn't have said those things but then he got it out of me... turns out he had a similar experience

he also made me think about what's more important: friendship or love? i mean i've thought about it before when i was having feelings for a friend (and i still am i believe) but at the same time i valued our friendship very much and i wasn't sure if confessing my love would be a good idea... i viewed it as a lose-lose situation

one outcome would be rejection... unrequited love isn't pleasant... if the other party already knows i have these feelings then that would make things between us complicated and awkward... everyday we'd just be falling out until there's nothing left between us

the other outcome would be acceptance... if my feelings are accepted, i wouldn't be sure if i'm good enough or would know anything about true love and relationships... and i also think about what we'd face ahead of us, like the disapproval and dispute of family and friends... i just don't think i'm ready for it... unless the other party is patient enough or is a type that goes with the flow.. like not really expecting or thinking about what's coming... like 'we'll cross that bridge when we get to it' type... i don't expect anyone to understand this... although i am doing my best to describe how i feel... am i emo or what!

mr. francis encouraged me not to tell the person because i'd lose our friendship... but i had already made up my mind to do so before this year ends 







watched Bestseller on netflix... it's a suspense/thriller/horror korean movie... i'd rate it 4 stars out of 5... it was really good... although i can't help but notice that nowadays, the trending theme in horror films always involves the main character having hallucinations, and the rest wonder who he/she is talking to... making it seem like he/she is psychotic... like the filipino film Amorosa... the main character believed that both of her sons were still alive even though only one of them died from a car accident, and she was talking to him and her other son thought she was going crazy... Amorosa is a good movie too... highly recommended





janine ditched me on our gym date today :( i was looking forward to it too... been a while since i had a good workout... but at the same time i was tired... i think it's from waking up at 4:30 in the a.m.... i hate mornings