Huge baby

I was looking forward to a quiet and peaceful day.
Then Jill calls me up... says she's going to buy lunch.
Now what person in their right mind would say no to that?
Free food? Count me in brotha!

Went shopping afterwards. 
Jill still hasn't decided on what she's going to wear haha.
I wouldn't be opposed to her wearing a wonder woman outfit.
Just saying.
Or maybe my imagination is running wild again.
Oh raging hormones stop it!
HAHAHA

***************

So I heard one of my mama's former co-workers (also a friend) in the Philippines is here in AZ.
Her name is Doree and she wanted to meet up and have dinner.
So we drove down to Tempe, picked her up and went to Chandler to have dinner at Jeepney Bistro.
The place was mehh. Halo Halo is better.
Anyway, she looked very familiar to me. I didn't really know her before.

Doree: Your daughter is so tall now! I remember when she was so chubby.

Chubby? I don't remember being chubby... whatchu talkin bout.

Mama: Of course you were chubby. You were 10.2 lbs when I gave birth to you. It was very painful when they stitched me back up.

HOT DAMN THAT'S HUGE.
Kudos to my mother for carrying a monster like me *bow*

Another entertaining day.
I hope to meet Doree again. She's funny and very talkative.
She's on her own, her family is still in Cebu. I hope she stays strong.
My mama and I feel for her. 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Strange dreams

My dream last night was...
How should I put it...
Strangely amusing. Yes... amusingly bizarre.
I had like 100 different dreams but I can only remember three of them.

Now let's see if I remember it correctly.
The first one was sort of morbid.
I was in some beach and I was being forced to surf in the waves.
So my late uncle and I went.
The waves were okay at first but as we started to surf, they got bigger and bigger.
It must have gotten up to 30 feet.
It swallowed us and the next thing I know I was floating, looking down on my dead uncle's body, but I couldn't find mine. I wasn't scared at all. I was just sad. It's not the first dream that I had where I was swallowed by a tidal wave or tsunami. 

What I notice though is that I keep having those dreams about the same beach. I don't even know where it is. But it always has a huge rock in the middle of the ocean and a deck made of wood with huts and coconut trees. It's always the same place. If it has a meaning to it or not, I don't know.

Anyway, the second one was uncomfortably awkward.
So in my friends list, there's this guy that I've never met, much less know. His name is Ying and he has a girlfriend that's like taller than him.
We were in his house and for some weird reason we were attacked by an unknown villain and he/she used toxic gas to destroy us. 
Ying ran like hell, leaving his gf behind. 
And being sympathetic and nice that I am, I stayed and tried to figure out how to save her. 
I held my breath, grabbed a rubber tube and filled it with air. I grabbed the girl just as she fainted and forced the tube down her. I then dragged her body outside. 
She was grateful afterward. Too grateful that is.
She kissed me and packed her stuff. She told Ying she's leaving him to live with me.
It happened so fast, I just stood there like an idiot. I thought, what the fuck is going on!?
I remember thinking, I never should have saved this girl. She wasn't in love with me, she was in love with the idea of me saving her. She was too blinded to see it. So I did nothing and let her be. I don't find her attractive or appealing or anything. It's just one of those weird dreams that leave you speechless.
But in the end, Ying won her heart back and they were together again, which was a relief. I thought, that's it. No more being nice to people.

The third dream was just frightening.
I was having dinner with friends and Vi. And there was a child in my lap. It was mine.
I HAD A DAUGHTER... SITTING IN MY LAP.
Total WTF moment.
And surprisingly, she looked a lot like Vi....  aww.
She didn't have a father or anything like that.
I was a single parent. 
Another WTF moment.
I was happy though, which was strange.
Oh well.

Anyway, that's that.
I'm weird. I have weird dreams, and I love it.
Even though at times it creeps the shit out of me.
Can't do anything about it though.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Last supper

Armarie calls me at 9 am in the morning.
WAAH WHY SO EARLY
She told me to come to work to have lunch cos Auntie Fely is buying food.
It sounded too good resist.

I got there at 1pm.
Food didn't come until 2pm.
Huhuh so hungry.

That was a nice lunch though. 
She went all out this time hahaha.

Auntie Fely: This is Bo's last supper.

What the heck?
You say it like I'm gonna die tomorrow ahah.
I don't think I'm gonna die soon Auntie.
But if I am, then I'll be ready.


I found a good deal on a leather jacket as well.
Original price was $60.
But in the end I only paid $17. 
WHAT UP
I gave it to my mama as a late Christmas gift.
I keep forgetting about my stepdad's though.
Frick!

Mama went to confession while I stayed in the adoration chapel.
I like to go in there because it's quiet and I can concentrate on my praying.
Prayed for many things (i.e. family and friends, suffering souls, for the sick, etc)
It's a peaceful place to be in.

Overall, a productive day.
Thankful for companionship and prayers.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

2013 summary

I cannot believe we only have 3 more days until we start the 2014 year.
It feels like I just met my friends a month ago.
Time flies when you're having fun I guess.
Within those 4 years, so much has happened. 
Some people got married, had kids, divorced, moved, became strangers, etc.
Just the thought of it overwhelms me.

I want to make this blog a summary of my 2013 journey.

January-June:
That was a very confusing time for me. Trying to figure out some things.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out some stuff on your own.
I wanted so bad to have someone explain it for me.
But I couldn't tell anybody because I felt like they might not understand me.
I've always felt different. Even my close friends seem like strangers to me.
It doesn't mean that I don't love them.
As a matter of fact, I adore them. I care about those guys.
But wherever I go, it seems like I don't fit in anywhere.
At times that's a good thing I suppose.

It's just that, growing up I didn't know what it was like to have real friends.
I just mostly played with other kids, but I knew their parents didn't want them around me for God knows whatever reason. 
I think that's why I hardly ever get along with my friends' parents.
Some kids pretended to like me because my mama was a teacher.
Perhaps they thought that if they got on my bad side, I'd tell on them.
Sad.

Although there were two girls with whom I was very close. 
One of them was a distant relative. 
But then life always finds a way to separate us. 
Rumor was that one of the girls was in hiding because she had killed someone that she was working for.
I don't know if that's true or not but I pray for them.
I'm good at some things, but getting in touch with people after going away is not one of them.

I think that ever since then I have drilled the idea in my head that maybe I'm not meant to have one of life's treasured gifts, friendship. 
But I was wrong. 
I learned that giving people a piece of my heart is not at all bad.
Even when I do something nice for people and they just shrug it off like it's nothing, I realize that Jesus did the same thing for us. And I feel honored to experience a little bit of what He went through.

But if you're foolish enough to want me in your life, then you're gonna have to have patience.
Because it will take a long period of time to get through this wall.
If you think I'm not worth it, then by all means, do move on. No hard feelings.
We're all messed up in some way.

I've trained (and successfully) convinced myself to think that others don't want my friendship... like everything I do doesn't matter. It's why I keep a low profile.
Just imagine having that mentality for more than 10 years.
Patience indeed.

Moving on.

July-December:
I was slowly becoming at peace with how I felt.
I've accepted the things I cannot change, but I'm still struggling a little bit.
I was seeing a bit clearly. I realized what I wanted to do a few years from now.
I figured that if I'm gonna be doing things by myself, I might as well enjoy it.
I created a goal that involves traveling, meeting strangers, discovering things about myself, and much more.
It's kind of a motivation for me. 
I honestly don't know what's going to happen but I have a feeling God has things for me to do.
I just don't know what.
I guess I'll just have to see.
A reunion with an old friend was also one of the highlights this year.
And for that I am very grateful.

This year also has its crazies.
People who once were acquaintances became enemies.
Betrayal, disappointment, frustration, sadness.
Adventure, happiness, loyalty, empowerment.
It's definitely life changing.



I hope next year will be another dysfunctional-filled experience haha.
I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

BRING IT ON 2014!

Life mysteries

I like being a part-timer/on-call.

And apparently, according to Maria, I'm a call girl.

Haha... a little inside joke of ours.

Unless I'm doing what I absolutely love, I try to spend as less time in the workplace as possible.

I don't like being around people.

I'd rather have a cat or a dog.

***************

So nice to be reunited again with Ms. Chanelle herself.

She still makes me feel loved and appreciated <3

She also made me realize that I complain too much about work, and that I don't find joy in what I do.

Well, she's probably right. I do complain a lot. 

But it's not all that bad. Helping people is rewarding. 

Being thanked, when they hold or kiss your hand, getting a hug or gifts from them, or when they say good things about you... those things definitely bring joy to my heart because I know that in some little way, I was of help to them and made a difference.

But I don't want to tell people that.

Either they get jealous or they'll just roll their eyes and think I'm all that.

I don't like to be arrogant.

Besides, I agree with Jimi Hendrix. As he once said, "I don't like compliments. They distract me."

I really don't understand why some people like to be the center of attention.

Their egos must be way up there.

That's one of life's mysteries that I'll never uncover.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Reflect

For a moment there, I'd forgotten what Christmas was all about.
Jesus please forgive me.
I was so hung up on myself that I failed to see what's important.

Regret.
So much regret.
That I chose to work on Christmas eve.
My brother was off from work and my whole family was there.
I felt such a heavy sorrow when I left the house that night.
Would have loved to spend time with them.
But what's done is done.

**************

It really is nice to have someone to talk to about things that you simply cannot talk to other people about.
Some people just don't take me seriously so I don't bother talking to them.
It's hard to talk to anybody really. 
Either they take it as a joke and brush it off, or they don't listen to you and continually change the subject.

After my little pep talk, I felt a lot better.
And I believe that everything's going to be ok.
I'll be okay.
I thank the Lord above for blessings in disguise.
I know Your love never fails.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Merry Merry Christmas!

First day of orientation was... what's the word... oh yeah, dumb.

Dumb dumb dumb. Can't stress that enough.

That girl has no teaching skills. 

Like duh, like I would totally like explain everything first before I, like, make you do things... and like.

FUDGE.

I could tell she has no interest in what she does.

***************

Mama and I attended mass on Christmas eve. It was packed.

I was a bit of in a cranky mood cos I didn't sleep well.

And out of nowhere, some kid fainted in church.

Her mom became hysterical and people started to crowd around them.

Seriously people, give her some air.

Random lady: Is there a doctor or a nurse in here?

Me: If she can wait 2 years, there will be.

I didn't say it aloud of course.

I bet all of those nurses in there were like, girl I'm off duty, go call 911.

Crazy.

***************

Second day of orientation was better.

At least the girl explained and showed me every room and what each resident is like.

I'm definitely more confident now.

I'm having second thoughts about morning shift though.

I saw how it is.

People running around and shitting themselves at the same time.

I'm nervous now.

But God will be there with me.

I trust that everything will be okay.

***************

Huhuhuh I'm so jealous.

My brother got my mom a Samsung tablet for Christmas.

WHY

Why did I ask for a jacket waaaahhh

I haven't opened my prezzies yet, but I have a feeling it's a jacket.

Dang it!

Sniff sniff.

Oh well.

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy your families and gifts (:

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.